Analysing your IQ
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Important Disclaimer: This content is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing persistent symptoms, please consult a licensed healthcare provider or mental health professional. The information provided here is based on general psychological research and may not apply to your specific situation. If you are in crisis, please contact emergency services or a crisis helpline immediately.
Why Do I Push People Away? is a search for cause, not a character flaw. This page breaks down the psychological machinery behind the experience—and what actually moves the needle.
Most people who ask this question have already tried willpower. That's the wrong lever. The pattern persists because the real causes haven't been addressed.
This framework analyzes problems across three interconnected layers. Most persistent patterns involve multiple layers—which is why single-factor solutions often fail.
Early attachment patterns encoded neurologically
Fear of abandonment or engulfment, trust issues
Past betrayals, unstable early relationships
Biological factor: Early attachment patterns encoded neurologically. This shapes the baseline. You're not fighting character—you're fighting chemistry. That's why environment and habit design often outperform motivation.
Psychologically, fear of abandonment or engulfment, trust issues tends to be central. Addressing this often requires reframing, not discipline.
The social layer—past betrayals, unstable early relationships—is underrated. Environment is a forcing function; change the environment to change the behavior.
Don't jump to tactics. First, audit: is this primarily biological (sleep, energy), psychological (fear, avoidance), or social (environment, incentives)?
Trying to "push through" without addressing root causes.
Blaming character instead of analyzing the system.
Ignoring the biological layer (sleep, nutrition, hormones).
Not changing the environment when it reinforces the pattern.
You are just independent
This oversimplifies the issue. The reality is more nuanced and involves biological, psychological, and social factors.
You don't need anyone
This oversimplifies the issue. The reality is more nuanced and involves biological, psychological, and social factors.
The right person won't trigger this
This oversimplifies the issue. The reality is more nuanced and involves biological, psychological, and social factors.
These steps are based on evidence-based approaches. Start with diagnosis, then implement changes systematically.
Learn your attachment style
Practice vulnerability in safe relationships
Work through past relationship trauma
Choose partners who can tolerate your process
If the pattern has persisted for weeks or months, significantly impacts daily functioning, or causes significant distress, consider working with a licensed mental health professional. Evidence-based therapies like CBT have strong track records for addressing these patterns.
If you are in crisis or having thoughts of self-harm, please contact emergency services or a crisis helpline immediately.
This analysis draws on the biopsychosocial model, cognitive-behavioral frameworks, and behavioral psychology research.
For clinical guidance, consult a licensed professional who can assess your specific situation.
The most common causes are biological (early attachment patterns encoded neurologically), psychological (fear of abandonment or engulfment, trust issues), and social (past betrayals, unstable early relationships). Lasting change usually requires addressing more than one layer.
Start with diagnosis: is the issue primarily biological, psychological, or environmental? Then target interventions at the right layer. Willpower alone rarely works.
It can be. Persistent patterns often have psychological roots worth exploring with a professional. However, biological and environmental factors are equally important to assess.
The biopsychosocial model identifies three layers: biological (Early attachment patterns encoded neurologically), psychological (Fear of abandonment or engulfment, trust issues), and social (Past betrayals, unstable early relationships). Most cases involve multiple factors.
Yes, especially if psychological factors like fear of abandonment or engulfment, trust issues are central. Cognitive-behavioral approaches and other evidence-based methods can address underlying patterns.